every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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