i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
