Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
