At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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