I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
