I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize