New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
