Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
