We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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