It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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