Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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