she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
