Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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