You're so nebulous sometimes
someone threw a dead crab at me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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