found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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