my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
