accomplished twins. life is a go
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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