Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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