Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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