How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
