Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
