is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
