Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize