Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
