Soap is not a condiment
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
