i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
