She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
