I looked at my own cervix.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
