Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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