I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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