Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
