maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
