My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
