if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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