Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
