I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
