another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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