just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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