can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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