I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
