he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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