He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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