Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
