I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
