You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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