We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
