Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize