he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
