smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
