one word: firstdatebathroomanal
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
