I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
