So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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