I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
