There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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