Say something about gay babies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
