i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
