Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize