Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
