ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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