So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
