I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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